Well, we are finally posted. D.C. We will be living in Virginia in a friend's mum's house. Schools look good, the area looks lovely, I look forward to getting a job and arranging the house. I'm hoping for a fresh start. I'm praying for peace and happiness (though i'm not delusional and don't expect to get much of either of those).
We are out of Leavenworth as of next (Not this) Sunday. June 30th. a short 11 days. We are in the process (again, still) of sorting to trash, long-term storage, give away, take with. So far the kids are doing a great job, I have much already packed, other stuff separated to pack; my boxes, paper, and bubble wrap ready to go. Tape and (I hope) markers at the ready. But this is a crazy busy 11 days, squeezing in chiro and dental appointments, and a vet apt I forgot about.
We are "talking" about what to do and where to go on "vaca" before we go East and North. Eureka springs if I'm truly lucky. Niangua to my Renee's grave to say good-bye, Baker Seed's to get my garden starters, hopefully something for the 4th of July, hopefully our bbq but it is July and it'll be hot as sin. Then we 'talked" about "vacas" after we are there. Assateague/Chincoteague, Baltimore, Virginia Beach, Williamsburg, Harper's Ferry, Hershey Park...a few places we've seen, a few we haven't. I look forward to Ikea (I know), Folger Shakespeare Library, the flea market at Eastern Market, the Smithsonians...
I continue to send out actual cards for birthdays to family, I hope to get my sewing machine fixed as it is my therapist (even when it makes me mad cause I mess up), I hope to get my own computer back so Juj will quit being pissed at me, and I hope to get some happier pictures on this blog. I just like my sad trees. Perhaps pictures of summer or foliage or bricks and old houses/buildings. Dunno. But right now I'm just tense and stressed and my surly lil self.
~~~~ We just came home from Lilies Sunday. It was mostly a brilliant war. I gave the kids much more freedom than they are used to and they did quite well. They brought me an extra 8 or so kids who would hang about our living room and eat snacks, drink juice boxes, sing, be silly, make smores. I loved it! :D I took a few classes, not nearly enough, but making hennins (which I'm excited about doing), making Turkish wrapped buttons (which I hope to buy the stuff for in the next 2 weeks after we leave here) and Punto in Aria (ecstatically happy and excited! I'll be keeping in touch w her for much more education and such!) and a couple belly dance. Juj took two adult classes and a teen class. He did 2 bronze castings and made something as a gift. And he built a mug with clay. He's so cool! Echo did not, Absolutely NOT, get a first boyfriend as neither are allowed to date. But a mutual crush was had by both and he is nice. I really like him (Lars. he has a name. 16. Well-manner'd, courteous...)
So, it's time for Dr. Who and my family requires my attention.
Anyway, that's it, in a nutshell. the tension is too thick to write currently, I must de`stress
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
i signed up for Daily Truths from Brave Girl. i don't think of myself as a Brave Girl. Maybe that's why i signed up, so they could help me be brave enough to become one.
They've been sending me some real good ones, very opportune or appropriate for how i feel. Today i got this:
Dear Brave Girl,
It starts with that first, really scary step, that step that we sometimes spend years avoiding and procrastinating, and that we often tell ourselves day after day that we will finally take 'tomorrow'.
What is so scary about that first step?
First, let's put it into perspective and what it really is. It's just a step, lovely. Just a step. You don't have to decide right now if you will take the next step after the first one.
Just commit to that first scary step. Put the silly fears out of your mind. It doesn't matter what others think about that first step. It doesn't matter if your first step is clumsy or looks ridiculous or if it doesn't get you as far as you thought it would.
It doesn't matter if you fall that first time. It doesn't matter.
You know you want to take that step or it wouldn't be burning it your heart the way it is, the way it has been for so long.
One thing is for sure. You can stop after you take that first step, or you can take another one, and then another. You get to choose.
Remember that without taking that first step, you will NEVER get to where you truly want to be because you will still be where you are NOW.
You can do it. Start today! You are so brave. And you are so loved.
xoxo
It immediately made me think of skiing the Zugspitze, the highest mountain in Germany. Then we did Cervinia, the Matterhorn. It was terrifying. They both were.
Cervinia:
Consider first, i'm afraid of heights, i'm not athletic, i hate the cold, i don't enjoy falling (though i think there are great lessons to be learned from doing so), It was about my 3rd time skiing, my 2nd "successfully" (meaning i didn't spend the whole time trying to get back up and wishing i weren't there). Oh yeah, and it quickly became White-Out conditions, which was not helpful as i have depth-perception issues and was more than likely suffering from altitude sickness.
upon getting there i was scared with a side of excited. i try to teach my kids to see things as an adventure, whether they want to be there or not. Because the option to being on an adventure is staying home and never doing anything.
as we ascended i began feeling heavy-headed (as opposed to light). the nausea was coming on. i thought i was going to spend all my time in the bathroom being sick. That was just the first leg up the mountain. It was incredible but i didn't feel well. The one that took us up to ski down was so much worse. I was terrified i was going to fall out of the lift (i think it's a lift) then we had to ski off it to the left so we could ski down. I was with Echo, my likewise terrified daughter. As we skiied off the lift to the top to go down the terror really hit. Echo was very literally hysterical. Her knees were locked half buckled, tears were freezing as they fell down her cheeks, and she was almost at a scream, crying. That's where my terror had to take a back seat. I say all the time that if you are freaking out you can't do what needs to be done. Though i don't always know what needs to be done, i just don't do hysterics too much.
i told her we'd go down together just a lil at a time and we did. i didn't know at what point we were but before long we were almost down and then there we were. Done. We caught our breath, took a break and took a second run. It was better. We noticed how short the run actually was and even had fun. (let me interject: my annoying-then-aged-10 son was skiing like a freaking PRO! the 3 of us learned together)
Of course at this point my nausea was so much worse. I was seriously dizzy but fought the urge to fall down. My body said, "Alicia, you are done". I was done before i got there but being me, a disobedient brat, i carried on. Then i told my hub i'd go one more time. Stupid. Seriously, when your body tells you that you are done, listen to it. It's smarter than you most of the time. The last ascent up i thought i was going to pass out. The snow became fierce and fast and as we got to the top i realized i couldn't see passed myself. It had reached White-Out and there was no way out but down the mountain i couldn't see in front of and under me. I knew G was there, i could kinda of hear him hollering for me somewhere. Our friend already had the kids down the mountain but i now struggled for every breathe, for each small move forward. I was dizzy standing still and kept falling down because there was no up, left, forward, back, right... only down. I knew if i went too far either left or right i'd ski right off the mountain and thought i'd probably die. I'd go about 12 feet, if i were lucky, and fall over.
Lying in the snow i learned how people freeze to death. There, lying in the cold, getting covered in white on a mountain, in a white outfit nonetheless, no one would have been able to find me. I could breath lying down. I wasn't dizzy lying down. I could have easily, peacefully fallen asleep right there. I remembered how they always say, "never fall asleep because your body temp drops". I completely understood that and was okay with that. Not that i wanted to die, just that i was at peace and i was okay with it. But i could hear G calling for me in the distance and i thought how the kids must be afraid of where i was. How they'd be afraid if i didn't come down that mountain in that strengthening snowstorm. It was for them, my kids at the bottom waiting for me, my friend who was watching my kids there, and my hub who's voice was getting more concerned and stressed as he couldn't find me that i repeatedly got back up. Because that peace was welcoming.
I got up over and over and got my self down that mountain following my hub who never left me, to my kids who were crying, and our friend, cool and collected. It was time to go. My head came back to me on our descent. It was scary but it's done. We live, we have stories to tell, and i'm happily at an elevation i can stand on.
What stuck me, as i read this mornings Truth, was that there are things in my every day life that scare me as much if not more than that mountain. I just recently got fired from that library job. (did i tell you i got a job yeah. about 1 month only) Anyway, with no appropriate explaination, no warnings, no talking about things i was fired. I'm not overly upset that i am no longer gainfully employed but the act that i was Fired is what bothers me. with my already highly diminished and diminishing lack of self esteem, confidence, and worth that was sorely recieved. Just one more failure in my life. I am afraid to go back out when we get posted next because i feel like i'm just going to fail. I'm afraid it'll look bad on my spouse and his job. I'm afraid i'll let down my family, that i do already. I get comfortable never leaving the house and, though i love being out in the world, i get afraid that it won't go well, whatever IT is. And i'm usually wrong. But i'm a pessimist.
And i wonder how i can ski down those mountains but not walk out that door into my life. i have no answer though i feel it's staring me in the face.
I enjoy getting these Truths daily. I am not one of those who can post daily affirmations to myself. I know me and i feel like i'm lying to myself and setting myself up to fail. I don't take compliments well (recieved a beautiful one yesterday which touched my heart) but i do try very hard to take my friends' words of love and comfort to heart, to have faith in them, and believe. This is what i get every time i read my Daily Truth. i look forward to it every day. I usually wait til i'm home alone with my Woof so i can savour it and hoard it and appreciate it to it's fullest. And then i can share it if i need to. Thank you, Brave Girl Club <3
bravegirlsclub.com
They've been sending me some real good ones, very opportune or appropriate for how i feel. Today i got this:
Dear Brave Girl,
It starts with that first, really scary step, that step that we sometimes spend years avoiding and procrastinating, and that we often tell ourselves day after day that we will finally take 'tomorrow'.
What is so scary about that first step?
First, let's put it into perspective and what it really is. It's just a step, lovely. Just a step. You don't have to decide right now if you will take the next step after the first one.
Just commit to that first scary step. Put the silly fears out of your mind. It doesn't matter what others think about that first step. It doesn't matter if your first step is clumsy or looks ridiculous or if it doesn't get you as far as you thought it would.
It doesn't matter if you fall that first time. It doesn't matter.
You know you want to take that step or it wouldn't be burning it your heart the way it is, the way it has been for so long.
One thing is for sure. You can stop after you take that first step, or you can take another one, and then another. You get to choose.
Remember that without taking that first step, you will NEVER get to where you truly want to be because you will still be where you are NOW.
You can do it. Start today! You are so brave. And you are so loved.
xoxo
It immediately made me think of skiing the Zugspitze, the highest mountain in Germany. Then we did Cervinia, the Matterhorn. It was terrifying. They both were.
Cervinia:
Consider first, i'm afraid of heights, i'm not athletic, i hate the cold, i don't enjoy falling (though i think there are great lessons to be learned from doing so), It was about my 3rd time skiing, my 2nd "successfully" (meaning i didn't spend the whole time trying to get back up and wishing i weren't there). Oh yeah, and it quickly became White-Out conditions, which was not helpful as i have depth-perception issues and was more than likely suffering from altitude sickness.
upon getting there i was scared with a side of excited. i try to teach my kids to see things as an adventure, whether they want to be there or not. Because the option to being on an adventure is staying home and never doing anything.
as we ascended i began feeling heavy-headed (as opposed to light). the nausea was coming on. i thought i was going to spend all my time in the bathroom being sick. That was just the first leg up the mountain. It was incredible but i didn't feel well. The one that took us up to ski down was so much worse. I was terrified i was going to fall out of the lift (i think it's a lift) then we had to ski off it to the left so we could ski down. I was with Echo, my likewise terrified daughter. As we skiied off the lift to the top to go down the terror really hit. Echo was very literally hysterical. Her knees were locked half buckled, tears were freezing as they fell down her cheeks, and she was almost at a scream, crying. That's where my terror had to take a back seat. I say all the time that if you are freaking out you can't do what needs to be done. Though i don't always know what needs to be done, i just don't do hysterics too much.
i told her we'd go down together just a lil at a time and we did. i didn't know at what point we were but before long we were almost down and then there we were. Done. We caught our breath, took a break and took a second run. It was better. We noticed how short the run actually was and even had fun. (let me interject: my annoying-then-aged-10 son was skiing like a freaking PRO! the 3 of us learned together)
Of course at this point my nausea was so much worse. I was seriously dizzy but fought the urge to fall down. My body said, "Alicia, you are done". I was done before i got there but being me, a disobedient brat, i carried on. Then i told my hub i'd go one more time. Stupid. Seriously, when your body tells you that you are done, listen to it. It's smarter than you most of the time. The last ascent up i thought i was going to pass out. The snow became fierce and fast and as we got to the top i realized i couldn't see passed myself. It had reached White-Out and there was no way out but down the mountain i couldn't see in front of and under me. I knew G was there, i could kinda of hear him hollering for me somewhere. Our friend already had the kids down the mountain but i now struggled for every breathe, for each small move forward. I was dizzy standing still and kept falling down because there was no up, left, forward, back, right... only down. I knew if i went too far either left or right i'd ski right off the mountain and thought i'd probably die. I'd go about 12 feet, if i were lucky, and fall over.
Lying in the snow i learned how people freeze to death. There, lying in the cold, getting covered in white on a mountain, in a white outfit nonetheless, no one would have been able to find me. I could breath lying down. I wasn't dizzy lying down. I could have easily, peacefully fallen asleep right there. I remembered how they always say, "never fall asleep because your body temp drops". I completely understood that and was okay with that. Not that i wanted to die, just that i was at peace and i was okay with it. But i could hear G calling for me in the distance and i thought how the kids must be afraid of where i was. How they'd be afraid if i didn't come down that mountain in that strengthening snowstorm. It was for them, my kids at the bottom waiting for me, my friend who was watching my kids there, and my hub who's voice was getting more concerned and stressed as he couldn't find me that i repeatedly got back up. Because that peace was welcoming.
I got up over and over and got my self down that mountain following my hub who never left me, to my kids who were crying, and our friend, cool and collected. It was time to go. My head came back to me on our descent. It was scary but it's done. We live, we have stories to tell, and i'm happily at an elevation i can stand on.
What stuck me, as i read this mornings Truth, was that there are things in my every day life that scare me as much if not more than that mountain. I just recently got fired from that library job. (did i tell you i got a job yeah. about 1 month only) Anyway, with no appropriate explaination, no warnings, no talking about things i was fired. I'm not overly upset that i am no longer gainfully employed but the act that i was Fired is what bothers me. with my already highly diminished and diminishing lack of self esteem, confidence, and worth that was sorely recieved. Just one more failure in my life. I am afraid to go back out when we get posted next because i feel like i'm just going to fail. I'm afraid it'll look bad on my spouse and his job. I'm afraid i'll let down my family, that i do already. I get comfortable never leaving the house and, though i love being out in the world, i get afraid that it won't go well, whatever IT is. And i'm usually wrong. But i'm a pessimist.
And i wonder how i can ski down those mountains but not walk out that door into my life. i have no answer though i feel it's staring me in the face.
I enjoy getting these Truths daily. I am not one of those who can post daily affirmations to myself. I know me and i feel like i'm lying to myself and setting myself up to fail. I don't take compliments well (recieved a beautiful one yesterday which touched my heart) but i do try very hard to take my friends' words of love and comfort to heart, to have faith in them, and believe. This is what i get every time i read my Daily Truth. i look forward to it every day. I usually wait til i'm home alone with my Woof so i can savour it and hoard it and appreciate it to it's fullest. And then i can share it if i need to. Thank you, Brave Girl Club <3
bravegirlsclub.com
Thursday, February 28, 2013
obviously i suck at keeping up with this whole bloggy thing.
i am very often reminded, by myself, by others, by circumstance, that i am a snob. I am. I have gone from single mother of 3 on welfare to world-trottin' wife of a diplomat. I have forgotten what it is to hand carry home a paycheck for a part-time job at minimum wage. I have forgotten what it means to truly wonder how the hell I'm going to survive til that next check. I have too many clothes, too many shoes...too much everything except respect. I have forgotten to respect things like plates. yes. plates. Do you have the same plates you had 10 years ago? 20? 30? How long did your mom or grandparents have their plates. Remember how we used to get in trouble if we clinked uhm? yeah, that's because they respected them. they cherished them. We, I, live in this very shallow world where things are too easily replaced and not nearly appreciated enough. But not just plates. (ours, by the way, are missing a few, chipped and/or cracked) but casual shoes. Not just my collection of "OH MY GOD I WANT THOSE!" shoes but daily wear shoes that are supposed to support the foot. Or at least feel better on the back than 4 inch heels. I am literally so disgusted with this all that my mind boggles and i lose track in thought at my selfishness, arrogance, lack of respect.
This really, is not just about those inanimate things that we tell ourselves, lie to ourselves!, that we love and can't live without. In honesty it all started, well probably so long ago with the first death in my family whilst away, but most recently because of a stupid question on Facebook by Parenting.com. "Confession time: What is your biggest pet peeve with your kid's grandparents?"
Got my knickers in a straight pinch after reading people's bitches. I wrote them a private message and if they write me back I'll ask them to send it to me so i can post it here. But all-in-all i hate how lil people respect their children's grandparents. I feel (opinion, not fact) we tend to forget they come from a different time and more often than not do what they do, whether we like what they do or not, out of love. This came at a time when i think about my 80 year old Mom, whom i love so much, though i show it too poorly. It makes me think of my Aunt Eva who has alzheimer's and is the last in the Carroll line in her generation. And of all the information, stories, everything we will lose when she is gone. It makes me think of all the funerals i should have attended. Uncles Bob, Russell, Ed. Aunt Mildred. My Dear Girl, Renee. My Mona's dad. Most recently, just yesterday, my dad from high school, Warren, died. That funeral, too, i will miss. I know i am just feeling the usual remorse of, "just one more...."
(i now hear Les Mis in my head. "One Day More", "I Dreamed a Dream", "Empty Chairs and Empty Tables". All songs of remembrance, of loves, of loss)
so to read about these people's pet peeves about grandparents. ugh. distasteful. rude. selfish. I believe, you see, in lying to ~if needed~ our children. Instead of saying to a child, because Grandma or Grandpa is a drunk, an addict, abusive, in treatment, in their own world, out of their mind, insane, institutionalized...., why not be vague and tell them, "it's not that Grandma/pa doesn't love you. It's that they don't know how to love and take care of themselves. they need to get healthy first. You can still love them if you are away from them". Tell them the whole truth later, if the want it. If they need it. Don't shatter their dreams young.
Well, i just don't know anymore. I'm just rather full of hurt and anger and most certainly regret. And apparently i'm being horribly hormonal and just bitchy. *sigh*
i am very often reminded, by myself, by others, by circumstance, that i am a snob. I am. I have gone from single mother of 3 on welfare to world-trottin' wife of a diplomat. I have forgotten what it is to hand carry home a paycheck for a part-time job at minimum wage. I have forgotten what it means to truly wonder how the hell I'm going to survive til that next check. I have too many clothes, too many shoes...too much everything except respect. I have forgotten to respect things like plates. yes. plates. Do you have the same plates you had 10 years ago? 20? 30? How long did your mom or grandparents have their plates. Remember how we used to get in trouble if we clinked uhm? yeah, that's because they respected them. they cherished them. We, I, live in this very shallow world where things are too easily replaced and not nearly appreciated enough. But not just plates. (ours, by the way, are missing a few, chipped and/or cracked) but casual shoes. Not just my collection of "OH MY GOD I WANT THOSE!" shoes but daily wear shoes that are supposed to support the foot. Or at least feel better on the back than 4 inch heels. I am literally so disgusted with this all that my mind boggles and i lose track in thought at my selfishness, arrogance, lack of respect.
This really, is not just about those inanimate things that we tell ourselves, lie to ourselves!, that we love and can't live without. In honesty it all started, well probably so long ago with the first death in my family whilst away, but most recently because of a stupid question on Facebook by Parenting.com. "Confession time: What is your biggest pet peeve with your kid's grandparents?"
Got my knickers in a straight pinch after reading people's bitches. I wrote them a private message and if they write me back I'll ask them to send it to me so i can post it here. But all-in-all i hate how lil people respect their children's grandparents. I feel (opinion, not fact) we tend to forget they come from a different time and more often than not do what they do, whether we like what they do or not, out of love. This came at a time when i think about my 80 year old Mom, whom i love so much, though i show it too poorly. It makes me think of my Aunt Eva who has alzheimer's and is the last in the Carroll line in her generation. And of all the information, stories, everything we will lose when she is gone. It makes me think of all the funerals i should have attended. Uncles Bob, Russell, Ed. Aunt Mildred. My Dear Girl, Renee. My Mona's dad. Most recently, just yesterday, my dad from high school, Warren, died. That funeral, too, i will miss. I know i am just feeling the usual remorse of, "just one more...."
(i now hear Les Mis in my head. "One Day More", "I Dreamed a Dream", "Empty Chairs and Empty Tables". All songs of remembrance, of loves, of loss)
so to read about these people's pet peeves about grandparents. ugh. distasteful. rude. selfish. I believe, you see, in lying to ~if needed~ our children. Instead of saying to a child, because Grandma or Grandpa is a drunk, an addict, abusive, in treatment, in their own world, out of their mind, insane, institutionalized...., why not be vague and tell them, "it's not that Grandma/pa doesn't love you. It's that they don't know how to love and take care of themselves. they need to get healthy first. You can still love them if you are away from them". Tell them the whole truth later, if the want it. If they need it. Don't shatter their dreams young.
Well, i just don't know anymore. I'm just rather full of hurt and anger and most certainly regret. And apparently i'm being horribly hormonal and just bitchy. *sigh*
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Though i finally fond a lil part time job and that's nice I feel like i'm floundering. It's been a rough time here. I've made no friends that i hang out with, none. I have not kept up with the house as hoped and haven't gotten things moved home as needed, only so much fits in the van each visit.
But, just to vent about the recent and present, i get tired of being the subject of other people's jokes (well, one person who does it continuously regardless of the fact that it makes me feel humilatiated, hurt, and embarrassed~to which i, more often than not, get, "it's not my fault you didn't think it was funny." And then i get a barrage of balderdash if i defend myself because i am, "too sensitive" and need to "relax". As if i even know how to anymore.
Now, as i try to send my child to school, hair unbrushed as there is refusal, blatant unwillingness, to pick up the damn brush and brush the freaking hair !!!!!!!! To my right in the dining room is a bathrobe, 2 computers, books, Boy Scout stuff, headphones, writing utensils, chairs pulled ot, and food particles left on the table all because no one will clean up their damn messes here. I am the housekeeper/servant to a spoiled lot who will not only leave the mess, they will complain if they can't find their crap because i put it away properly or into a dogbox, AND I get the chewing out for the mess even though NONE of it is mine.
No one wants to pick up, no one wants to push in a chair, no one wants to turn off a light switch, do a dish, get their own pants from the dryer, find a piece of cheese, put water in their cup........because they have a live in servant whose job it is to wait on them without question, without finding fault, with zero complaint as their blatantly at times drop crumbes and leave messes in their wake.
................
I am done venting now. Because the venting is to no avail. No one will do their part, oh maybe for 1 afternoon, but not sincerely. And I'll tuck in the chair, only so i don't run into it. I'll turn off the lights, I'll clean up some of the mess....only so they can come home tonight and build a new one on top of the old one and leave it, too, for me to clean up.
But, just to vent about the recent and present, i get tired of being the subject of other people's jokes (well, one person who does it continuously regardless of the fact that it makes me feel humilatiated, hurt, and embarrassed~to which i, more often than not, get, "it's not my fault you didn't think it was funny." And then i get a barrage of balderdash if i defend myself because i am, "too sensitive" and need to "relax". As if i even know how to anymore.
Now, as i try to send my child to school, hair unbrushed as there is refusal, blatant unwillingness, to pick up the damn brush and brush the freaking hair !!!!!!!! To my right in the dining room is a bathrobe, 2 computers, books, Boy Scout stuff, headphones, writing utensils, chairs pulled ot, and food particles left on the table all because no one will clean up their damn messes here. I am the housekeeper/servant to a spoiled lot who will not only leave the mess, they will complain if they can't find their crap because i put it away properly or into a dogbox, AND I get the chewing out for the mess even though NONE of it is mine.
No one wants to pick up, no one wants to push in a chair, no one wants to turn off a light switch, do a dish, get their own pants from the dryer, find a piece of cheese, put water in their cup........because they have a live in servant whose job it is to wait on them without question, without finding fault, with zero complaint as their blatantly at times drop crumbes and leave messes in their wake.
................
I am done venting now. Because the venting is to no avail. No one will do their part, oh maybe for 1 afternoon, but not sincerely. And I'll tuck in the chair, only so i don't run into it. I'll turn off the lights, I'll clean up some of the mess....only so they can come home tonight and build a new one on top of the old one and leave it, too, for me to clean up.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
my life is full of redundancy. i do it now, i did it yesterday, i'll do it in 5 minutes if the family is here, i'll do it in half and hour, i'll do it before bed, i'll do it tomorrow, and next week, and next month, and every day inbetween. you know, the housework, the laundry, the dishes, the stepping on and picking up of toys. Kids' toys, dog's toys, my husband's toys. And i love them all but i'm tired of the redundancy and the complacency of, "....mom can get it" or, " it's mom's job", not that those words are actually used (in words, but in actions....)
to break up the monotony of life i go to the chiropractor for my scoliatic back and ill-angled neck thrice a week, i'm having an interview today for a part-time job at a local library, and i get an MRI Monday to see what the hell is going on in my brain. Haven't we all wondered that much too often!
But this week my mother-in-law's husband died after he was found unconscious. He had suffered a severe heart attack and when we spoke with her She told us he had neither kidney nor brain function. My hub goes to be w his family today. This is exactly what we DON'T want to break up the monotony. But whatever God chooses we deal with and he chose this.
So today is full of hurry up and wait, anxiety, and the nausea that i get that comes with said anxiety. as long as it doesn't hit me full force on the highway i'll be fine.
My MRI, which i've been waiting a few months for the insurance to okay, only came in two days ago and i'm happy. Both because i'm glad to be getting it done and I'll be glad when it's done. We are looking inside, through dust bunnies and cobwebs, into a family history of migraines, MS, and stroke as i have begun jumbling my words when i speak or dropping things i can't seem to grip properly. I was teased that it was too much wine though i was drinking water and i hope it's due to excitement, lack of attention, and/or pinched nerves due to the scoliosis. I really don't want to find MS or a stroke or an aneurism or a tumour, or cancer (no, i'm not a hypochondriac, why do you ask?) I really haven't the time to be that sort of ill (not that i do anything), especially one that has no cure, like MS, whuch my eldest sister has. Not to mention that it will screw up my clearance and places we can live.
On the bright side my cardio stress test came back as all normal so no idea why i am have palpitations. Perhaps just irregular arrythmia (sp?). And muscle cramps, hopefully just sorely in bad shape.
I am, just now, very literally just wasting time before an adjustment, wishing i had blogged 10 years ago through our first 4 posts or through, between training and coming here we've had big adventures and small in 11 countries, a principality, 3 continents, 2 islands, and home in-between, before, after, and now. (but Now we are in the plains in 13 degree freakin' weather) Believe me, it's so much more interesting than the drivel i'm writing now. I look over my previous posts o' puff, at how much of nothing i've said, and think, "you need to write of some sort of substance" though i know i'm only on here so i can empty my brain of it's contents so i can move on. It's like dumping out the junk drawer and leaving it for *the reader* (or mom) to pick up.
So perhaps in 5 days' time i'll have substance to write about. Perhaps i'll get a job i find fun, which means getting paid to play, finish my unfinished non-daily chores, write a letter or two, learn my brain is healthy, albeit unkempt, and that i have many more years of meloncholy and unforeseen adventures ahead of me. Perhaps i'll even get to post them on here for *you* to look at.
to break up the monotony of life i go to the chiropractor for my scoliatic back and ill-angled neck thrice a week, i'm having an interview today for a part-time job at a local library, and i get an MRI Monday to see what the hell is going on in my brain. Haven't we all wondered that much too often!
But this week my mother-in-law's husband died after he was found unconscious. He had suffered a severe heart attack and when we spoke with her She told us he had neither kidney nor brain function. My hub goes to be w his family today. This is exactly what we DON'T want to break up the monotony. But whatever God chooses we deal with and he chose this.
So today is full of hurry up and wait, anxiety, and the nausea that i get that comes with said anxiety. as long as it doesn't hit me full force on the highway i'll be fine.
My MRI, which i've been waiting a few months for the insurance to okay, only came in two days ago and i'm happy. Both because i'm glad to be getting it done and I'll be glad when it's done. We are looking inside, through dust bunnies and cobwebs, into a family history of migraines, MS, and stroke as i have begun jumbling my words when i speak or dropping things i can't seem to grip properly. I was teased that it was too much wine though i was drinking water and i hope it's due to excitement, lack of attention, and/or pinched nerves due to the scoliosis. I really don't want to find MS or a stroke or an aneurism or a tumour, or cancer (no, i'm not a hypochondriac, why do you ask?) I really haven't the time to be that sort of ill (not that i do anything), especially one that has no cure, like MS, whuch my eldest sister has. Not to mention that it will screw up my clearance and places we can live.
On the bright side my cardio stress test came back as all normal so no idea why i am have palpitations. Perhaps just irregular arrythmia (sp?). And muscle cramps, hopefully just sorely in bad shape.
I am, just now, very literally just wasting time before an adjustment, wishing i had blogged 10 years ago through our first 4 posts or through, between training and coming here we've had big adventures and small in 11 countries, a principality, 3 continents, 2 islands, and home in-between, before, after, and now. (but Now we are in the plains in 13 degree freakin' weather) Believe me, it's so much more interesting than the drivel i'm writing now. I look over my previous posts o' puff, at how much of nothing i've said, and think, "you need to write of some sort of substance" though i know i'm only on here so i can empty my brain of it's contents so i can move on. It's like dumping out the junk drawer and leaving it for *the reader* (or mom) to pick up.
So perhaps in 5 days' time i'll have substance to write about. Perhaps i'll get a job i find fun, which means getting paid to play, finish my unfinished non-daily chores, write a letter or two, learn my brain is healthy, albeit unkempt, and that i have many more years of meloncholy and unforeseen adventures ahead of me. Perhaps i'll even get to post them on here for *you* to look at.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
I'm such a grand blogger that i forget how to get into my blog. LOL I'm such a dork. I'm getting a good laugh off myself today, seeing how much crap i have in my favourites and on my favourites bar. No wonder my computer is so freaking slow :D (hmmm...how do i get face icons hap'nin?)
Anyway, today's immediate goal is how do i add blogs i like to my blog. hahaha I HAVE NO IDEA!!!! LOL
Anyway, this whole thing is part of my New Year to-do list. I don't do resolutions because i am too hard on myself when i fail to accomplish them. However, a to-do list is so much less stress. Actually, it's all just mind games but, hey, there it is. On my to-do list includes:
~have updated addresses, birthdates, anniversaries for cards. start sending out cards and/or hand-written letters.
~sort and arrange my millions of recipes. Also stationary, cards, etc into a single bin to be kept organized.
~continue in cleaning, arranging, lightening house load
~learn more computery stuff like Excel, more Word stuff, etc (some of which i learned quite by accident just now :OD)
~get healthy: medical stuffs up to date, including MRI, heart stress test, change eating style and foods, exercise, and insurance papers.
~organize important papers, holidays, pack-outs, travel, school papers...(i used to be organized once)
~get Woofie up to date on medical , plus passport. get his ultrasound done.
pretty good for starters, right? Oh, and apparently i need to bild me a planner/organizer since what i'm looking for doesn't exist.
Now if i can figure out how to add blogs to my blog to start.
Anyway, today's immediate goal is how do i add blogs i like to my blog. hahaha I HAVE NO IDEA!!!! LOL
Anyway, this whole thing is part of my New Year to-do list. I don't do resolutions because i am too hard on myself when i fail to accomplish them. However, a to-do list is so much less stress. Actually, it's all just mind games but, hey, there it is. On my to-do list includes:
~have updated addresses, birthdates, anniversaries for cards. start sending out cards and/or hand-written letters.
~sort and arrange my millions of recipes. Also stationary, cards, etc into a single bin to be kept organized.
~continue in cleaning, arranging, lightening house load
~learn more computery stuff like Excel, more Word stuff, etc (some of which i learned quite by accident just now :OD)
~get healthy: medical stuffs up to date, including MRI, heart stress test, change eating style and foods, exercise, and insurance papers.
~organize important papers, holidays, pack-outs, travel, school papers...(i used to be organized once)
~get Woofie up to date on medical , plus passport. get his ultrasound done.
pretty good for starters, right? Oh, and apparently i need to bild me a planner/organizer since what i'm looking for doesn't exist.
Now if i can figure out how to add blogs to my blog to start.
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